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Being Put in Impossible Situations

Being Put in Impossible Situations

Happy Tuesday, everyone! Well, the kidlings here in Ga are back in school, and that means Mommy can finally concentrate on things she needs to do without interruptions. While my child is good about not coming into my office when she knows Im working, shes still a kid. Sometimes, she just cant help herself. But yay to being back on track. This post isnt about all that, however. Today, Im going to talk about something I hate: being put in an impossible situation. Ready? Lets get going.

My definition of an impossible situation, for purposes of this post, is one where if I do one thing, I look like an ass, and if I do the other, I compromise my core values, allow myself to be deeply hurt or disappointed, or let people take advantage of me. Either way, as you can see, its lose/lose. As you read, keep that in mind.


Ive had sessions with counselors in which Im told I have a very good sense of self-awareness, but that I need to be firmer with people. I should tell them when they hurt or disappoint me. For example: I know what it was that hurt me and why, but I cant bring myself to address it with someone else because Im afraid of hurting them even though theyve hurt me already. Oftentimes, I find myself commiserating with characters I see in movies that do stupid stuff, those folks that no one but me seems to understand, and I end up feeling badly for them.

Why is this?

Well, while talking out a situation one time, it was pointed out that Im a giver with a very high core value of integrity, and while I never believed I expected anything in return, that wasnt quite the case.

I believed that if I gave and was honest, I would get loyalty in return. Now, loyalty isnt friendship. A true friend is there because they genuinely like the person you are and respect you. Loyalty, however, can be earned and independent of friendship. Someone who is loyal doesnt necessarily have to like you.

I hold people to a very high standard of behavior that includes respect of me and my time along with a few other things I have a hard time compromising on.

Let me clarify: I dont do things so people do things in return for me. Thats not what Im saying. Im saying I give, and what I want in return is respect, thoughtfulness, and to not be put in impossible situations.

Heres one:
My son tells a friend they can stay over before asking me. I just took the kid all over town for school shopping, and I have three other kids in the house besides him. Im just not in the mood to deal with someone elses child. I say no. He stands there and begs me, says he already invited the kid, and begs me some more. For every no, he has a reason it will work out, and he refuses to call the kid and tell them they cant come.

Okay, now Im in an impossible situation. 1. ) I can either call the kids parents and tell them the kid cant come, or 2. ) I can give in and be miserable all night. Several things eat at me about both of those options (please know I realize well all react differently to these things--these are my opinions and feelings--they may not make sense to you): 1. ) This option makes me look like a terrible parent (an ass) who cant keep their kids under control and it disappoints another child who might have been looking forward to something. It also has the likelihood of ruining the other set of parents plans they may have made with the expectation their child would be gone for the night. 2. ) If I give in to my kid, I reinforce that he can beg and get his way. Worse, I allow him to have control over me. I would be tired and grumpy, and Id have yet another mouth to feed, another kid to clean up after, and another someone in my house (this alone causes me stress).

There are so many of these examples that I could throw down here, but Im not going into all that. Today, Im trying to get you to think about yourself and maybe even your characters situations. It can be cathartic to write about people who behave in a different manner than you, but be careful to dig deeply and show why the character is the way they are to your reader. If youd just read the beginning, without understanding why I reacted the way I did, you probably wouldve said that youd stick to your no and be done with it. Hell, maybe youd still say that. But this is showing you what it might be like via the inner turmoil of another.

I hate disappointing people or making them feel badly about something theyve done. I also cant stand being selfish. It eats at me. So, when it comes to me standing up for myself, oftentimes, folks have no idea theyve hurt me--even when its deeply--because I move forward and pretend like everything is okay (this is especially true if they cant see me--if they can, theyll see the tears, but Ill insist everything is fine unless pushed, and then I tend to explode because Im trying really hard to keep it under control--lose/lose) or I end up just ignoring them because I know Ill hurt their feelings if I say something.

My issue is that I expect other people to be as careful with my feelings as I am with theirs. This is what I refer to as loyalty.

Im working on it.

What are yours? What do you think of the above? Do you have this issue? Do any of your characters? How did you show it?

Well, thats all for today, folks! Until next time, WRITE ON!

Jo

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